Jeff Parness—Father, Husband, Non-profit Founder, a Blessing

On September 11th, 2001, multiple acts of terrorism and the loss of 2,977 people–343 New York Fire Fighters, 23 New York Police Officers, 37 officers at the Port Authority, 184 killed when American Airlines Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon, 40 passengers and crew members aboard United Airlines Flight 93, and 2,753 other victims from the catastrophe, wiped the security of an entire country. Amid the panic, terror, and the unknown, with confusion came the end of a world the nation once knew and the beginning of a world they learned to grow afraid of. The city that once bloomed the beauty of the American Dream, a place of safety, people smiling, crying, laughing, and beginning their new lives became crowded by the massive white cloud of smoke floating over southern Manhattan– the cloud that represented the remains of the 1,108 unidentified individuals who had reached the end of the line and the obscure minds of the people who had lost friends, family members, or other loved ones. Instead of turning around and running in the opposite direction or sitting back to watch the city crumble, millions of Americans asked, “how can I help”? When we look back at 9/11, we see the planes crashing, the country spiraling out of control, and the end of an era, but we tend to overlook the amazing things that followed 9/11; on September 12th, 2001, people across the nation did their best to persevere and came together as a unified force to help their neighbors.

Jeff Parness, the most humble and compassionate person I have ever had the privilege of talking to, is one man out of the thousands of people who felt the terror and the cries of thousands across the United States and felt the need to do something–anything he could to use his privilege of safety to serve and advocate for those in need. Thursday, September 13th, Jeff’s depiction of an ideal life in New York proceeded to crumble when he found out his business partner and close friend was killed in the attacks. Little did he know that the terrifying events of one day would allow him to bring sunshine into the lives of thousands of others. 

 Early on September 1st, 2001, Jeff Parness was getting ready to take his three-month-old son to the nephrologist. He was taking a shower when his wife, Sandy, knocked on the door to tell Jeff that their friend from Germany called to ask if everyone was safe. In utter confusion, Jeff and his wife turned on the television to see that the World Trade Center’s north tower was on fire and watched in agony as the second tower was hit by another plane. At that moment, he would never forget the plight he felt when his 3-year-old son asked, “Mommy, what happened to the people on the plane?” 

9/11 was a Day of Silence. When Jeff walked out of his apartment building, the world was so silent, you could hear the people talking to one another out on the street, a rare occurrence in the typically busy, crowded streets of Manhattan.  Medical personnel stood out on the street, waiting for ambulances that would never arrive. The only sound that remained beyond the deadly silence of the day was the cries of the ambulances and police cars flooding into the city and the whirring of the 2 F15 fighter jets serving as the only protection of the city. New York was no longer the same haven for immigrants and U.S. citizens; it was a warzone. As the day progressed, events unraveled to be surreal, unfathomable, and appalling. Two days later, Jeff found out one of his closest friends would never kiss his family again, would never laugh again, would never say I love you again, and would never feel his heart beating in his chest again. As the events of the day unfolded, the feeling of helplessness settled deeper and continued to strip away hope and clouded the light, but the New Yorkers held on. Jeff began by trying to donate blood and filled himself with thoughts of what he could do instead of dwelling in the nation’s pity. Although America realized that the world they knew was never going to be the same, they recognized that the lives of the thousands of people who had died and their loved ones would be broken forever. Late September 15th, New York was flooded by the light of thousands of candles on every street corner and a revitalizing moment that struck hope and united the entire city. Weeks later, people from all parts of the United States crowded into New York to mourn lost loved ones. On the corner of 7th Avenue and 51st street, as Jeff waited for the light to change, he stood next to 6 firefighters who were here to commemorate the lives of people they had once been so familiar with. He reached over to shake the hand of one of the firefighters and said a simple, “Thank you for being here.”  And he looked at him and said, “I wish we didn’t have to be here.” Jeff said, “I know, but it’s important that you’re here.” It’s when you go through a tragedy that you realize the kindness and compassion of total strangers, and that’s what lifts you and makes you stronger for the next leg of the journey.

The next leg of the journey for Jeff took place a few years later. Jeff was able to find his inspiration through his original intention of completing an act of fatherhood. On November 1st, 2003, his son, Evan, got into a fight with his brother, Josh, over one toy. Per usual, Jeff explained to him that he had hundreds of toys while there were kids in Harlem with nothing. In the middle of all of it, CNN was on, and there was an interview playing about a woman and her daughter from California who had just lost their home in a wildfire. The mother talked about how her daughter’s sleeping beauty Halloween costume was left behind in their demolished house. Jeff explained to his son that these people had just lost their homes, their lives, their certainty. And he asked his son, what can you do to help? His son thought for a second and said, “well, maybe we can put some of my toys and Josh’s toys in a box and send them to Aunt Molly, who can find the mom in a shelter and give it to the girl.” Jeff waited to let him absorb what he just said, and he then said, “maybe we can put some coins and clothes in for her too.” Challenging him to dream bigger, he asked, “what if we asked the kids in the apartment building for their toys too?” Within three days, they had 100 volunteers. They had 500 people load up a 17-foot UHaul truck. That Wednesday, Jeff and his two friends drove from 96th street and Broadway to San Diego, California. The truck was filled with relief supplies for the fire victims, but they put a massive sign on the truck’s side that read “New York Says Thank you.” Part of Jeff’s actions were to pay tribute to his beloved friend, but it was also to send a message that they would never forget the gentle hand that millions of people lent to New York when they had no hand to hold.

Jeff went back to California 5 times to understand how to use technology to help disaster victims recover. Then, he wrote a book about the experience and all the people he met who just wanted an answer to kindness. He finished the book on May 15th, 2004. Evan, his son, was in the other room watching the weather channel, and he walked into their home office with a serious expression on his face and said, “Dad, when Josh and I grow up, can we drive the truck if there’s a tornado in Iowa?” That moment was another domino that led to establishing Jeff’s organization driven by the selfless work of several outstanding individuals. Jeff’s original thought was that he had to do something to honor his best friend’s memory. He had to put a stake in the ground to show that the world was genuinely different from that tragedy. His original intention transformed into a need filled in his heart before thinking about who it might be helping.  Seventeen years later, New York Says Thank you Foundation has had over 600,000 volunteers around the world doing everything from disaster relief to citizenship education. Fundamentally, their organization has worked on healing and allowing disaster relief survivors to help others. Jeff learned from the former surgeon general, Vivek Murthy, that so much healing comes from the sense of unity by reaching after people who feel lonely post-trauma. It’s all about rebuilding hope in those who think there is no more. 

When Jeff created the organization in 2004, the original mission was to send volunteers from New York to someplace of disaster on September 11th to build something. In the first year, they sent 14 guys, 11 New York City Firefighters, 3 of whom had survived the attacks, to a little town burned down in Southern California to build a home. As the years went on, the group prospered because each person helped reach into their pocket and travel to the next place the following year to pay it forward. The hard work combined with compassion that each person put forward allowed for the negative memories of 9/11 to be left behind. They could move on to do good and show gratitude for the events that changed their lives. It was almost as if 49% of their work’s value went to the people they were helping, and 51% went to their volunteers because it enabled them to heal over their tragedy and helped them create positive memories over the tragedy they once imagined would ruin their lives. It’s important to realize that amid good intentions, one finds realization. In this case, the realization was that good intentions harbored by good people can build a community stronger than the trauma that tries to hold them back.

The most beautiful thing was that New York Says Thank you Foundation proceeded to grow. With the amazing help of those willing to serve the world, they created multiple smaller organizations that could broadly impact disaster relief worldwide. This includes Stars of Hope, CJ’s Bus Foundation, Tony’s Room Foundation, among many others. A movie was created about the organization that allowed students across the United States to understand how a single idea could impact the world. It addressed the spirit of 9/12 and the colossal “pay it forward” movement that came along with it. They restored the national 9/11 flag, which was a 30-foot American Flag destroyed at Ground Zero during the attacks. The flag went on to be restored by all 50 states and truly represents the compassion and the American Dream that stands boldly in the United States that is stronger than the trauma that tries to channel negativity into our lives. 

With the growth and every disaster defeated by the New York Says Thank you Foundation and the organizations that stem from it, Jeff and the amazing people he works with helped thousands of individuals realize the importance of the comfort and realization brought by what you go and grow through. Jeff is truly one of the most selfless and kind people I have ever had the privilege of talking to, and the work he puts forth to serve the world is beyond incredible. It’s appalling to see that a moment of disaster can transform the life of anyone willing to use their trauma to better the world. Sometimes, the cloud of anguish, pity, and uncertainty that shakes your life, can create a strong circle of community and positivity for your future. It is all about what you take from what you go through and how you choose to spread your knowledge to others inclined to serving the world. Take this as you will. The world needs more people like Jeff.

 Throughout the interview, instead of focusing on himself, his character and his raw selflessness showed through the fact that he knew and remembered every single person he met by first and last name. Rather than speaking about himself, he constantly credited the people who made his efforts possible. If you are interested in New York Says Thank You’s efforts or more about Jeff, check out the links attached below.

Transforming Tragedy into HOPE

Stars of HOPE® 2020

https://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes/archive11/jeff.parness.html

Additional sources-

“September 11 Terror Attacks Fast Facts.” CNN, Cable News Network, 18 Sept. 2020, http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/27/us/september-11-anniversary-fast-facts/index.html.